KwAcKy's Konfessional |
|
|
Nothing of interest; just mindless links to bikes Birmingham City Football Club and useless junk  
  
|
25 August 2005
Not the sort of week I wanted Monday started the week as usual. Work is frantic and I was busy clearing the decks to make way for a large number of files to be transferred to me. Tuesday started off like any other. I took the bike into work and got my head down early as I had to leave the office for an hour in the morning. Tuesday was scan day. Sam was having her 11 week scan. The women's hospital is about 10 minutes away from work (as the motorbike flies) and work were fine about me leaving to go and join up with Sam. Anyway, the time would be made up, I was in at 8 and would be working until after 6 as I intended to go straight to the Ibis to meet up with the SHA crowd before the Blues v Boro game. At a quarter to 10 I leave the office and head up to the hospital. I make good time (yes officer, I know it's a 30.... ) and get there before Sam. She's got the day off and she's decided to keep Georgie for the day. Whilst waiting in reception I spot Sam and Georgie. Georgie, not wanting to be left out, has brought he rbaby along in "baby push" (a toy pushchair to you and me). Georgie has given herself a weird walk. Almost HipHop/Ghetto gangsta stylee. I must stop playing NWA when she's about. Usual story once inside, sign here, wait there, move rooms, wait some more. We're left hanging about for so long I'm talking about having to get back to work. I've already been absent for 90 minutes and we're still waiting for the scan. Just as I'm about to clear off, we get called in. Sexist, I know, but I was surprised to see a bloke doing the scan. He spots the biking gear and we start chatting about bikes. He's got a ZX12R but fancies the new Speed Triple as his bike is too large and he want's something better suited for commuting. We spend a long time talking as he scans Sam. I don't think much of it as we're talking bikes, and bikers love talking bikes. He asked how far gone Sam was. 11 weeks. He scanned some more. Then the solemn face. He couldn't detect a heartbeat. He wanted a second opinion. Off he went to get a colleague, leaving Sam, Georgie and I in the darkened room. Sam and I jut stared at each other. I held her hand. She started to cry. Georgie became agitated. The second opinion confirmed that there was no heartbeat. Our intended second child had died. It wasn't to be. Sam went to the toilet. Georgie, sensing something was up, started to cry and screamed for her mummy. When Sam came back we were taken into another room and left alone for a while to gather our thoughts. Not that you have many at a time like that. A nurse came in to discuss the options: 1) let nature take it's course 2) take a tablet to speed things up 3) have an operation to finalise things. Sam wasn't keen on the first choice and when told that the tablet option didn't always work, she asked for an operation. After checking with the surgeon, Sam was booked in for the next day. I couldn't go to the game. I was too raw. Sam was, understandably, very upset. Tuesday night was difficult. Not only do you have to deal with the loss, but there were nerves about the forthcoming procedure. In short, Wednesday went as well as can be expected. We got there at 9.30, signed the usual forms of consent. Sam was taken to theatre and after an hour returned to her room. Back home in time for the 6 o'clock news. I'll say goodbye to love No one ever cared if I should live or die Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by And all I know of love is how to live without it I just can't seem to find it So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone And though it's not the easy way I guess I've always known I'd say goodbye to love There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine Surely time will lose these bitter memories And I'll find that there is someone to believe in And to live for something I could live for All the years of useless search Have finally reached an end Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend From this day love is forgotten I'll go on as best I can What lies in the future is a mystery to us all No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong But for now this is my song And it's goodbye to love I'll say goodbye to love Just been out to do some shopping and drop a couple of items off at the post office. While I was in the car my "I wish I were a Carpenter" CD kicked in, and this was the first song that played. I realise it doesn't sit on all 4s with what's happened, but there are enough words and lines in the song to kick a tear or two out of me as I drove along. |
