KwAcKy's Konfessional |
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Nothing of interest; just mindless links to bikes Birmingham City Football Club and useless junk  
  
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31 January 2003
The Bluetitch 5 1) Name one thing you would change about yourself. Stop being so lazy 2) Name one thing you would change about your partner. Her accent. The black country accent grates. 3) Name one thing you would change about your house or where you live. I would rid of the house of scum at the top of the road. The owner has rented it to 2 families who seem intent on making sure my insurance doubles each year. 4) Name one thing you would change about your job ( not your wages). More flexible hours. Once little kwacky arrives, I am allowed to ask. Can't see it going down too well though 5) Name one thing you would like to change about your lifestyle. I don't wish to make myself out as a bigger wanker than I really am, but I enjoy my lifestyle. I would like to go to more gigs, but Mrs Kwacky isn't into them and I rarely have the time to be honest. Some bike stuff for those who moan I don't post enough! Colin and Nori on the new 'prilla GP bikes Can't wait for the UK round. That bike sure does sound angry. Bored? Got time and money to waste? Why don't you treat yourself to a nice new £30,000 top of the range 4 wheel drive sports car, take you and your other half to the local track, and show the world and your dearest just how much of a god behind the wheel you really are? Don't forget to capture this special day on video so the whole wide world can see just how big your dick really is.If you can still use it, that is! Blues I'm making a rare away trip. Each time I plan to go away, something comes up or happens which makes sure I miss the match. Fingers crossed this time. Tickets for Blues fans were rarer than a moment of honesty from Blair. Me and 3 others are sitting with the Bolton lot. Best keep my mouth shut (it can be done, I promise you) We need to win this. Well, we don't, but 3 points would be very welcome and give us some breathing space. Last time Savage was at the Reebok he managed to get 2 players sent off, so the locals love him. Upson starts, Purse is still out but Kenny should be available. If I live, I'll let you know how friendly the natives are. Big Up! to Bluetitch for letting me know Mark Thomas had a 30 minute show on tonight. Mark decided he was a weapons inspector and sniffed around UK and USA sites looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction ("WMDs"). He found them, in abundance. However, Blair and Bush are bound by the unknown "Do what we say" Treaty and it appears that only Iraq has to fling its doors open and let everyone in. It's a shame that his work doesn't reach a wider audience because the citizens of the States should be told what their Governemrent is up to. WTF am I talking about? You need a modicum of intelligence to grasp the concept that your own country is just as bad as those dirty dark haired dark skinned nasty baddies who want to rape and kill the over weight over loud get over the fact that most people don't like you self proclaimed citizens of God. After all, they killed off the native american so they had to turn their attention overseas to find a new nasty to neutralise, didn't they? While I'm at it, how do you say "herb"? Hotel is Hotel, right? Harry is Harry, hair is hair, hypotension is hypotension. Easy enough, yes? SO WHY THE FUCK DO THE YANKS PRONOUNCE "HERB" "ERB"? 30 January 2003
I don't know how many of you have spotted this, but the Government intends to introduce new laws to make it illegal to have sex in public places. And in the pravacy of your own home with someone watching over the internet. But it won't be illegal if you have sex in the privacy of your own home if people can see you through the window. But it will illegal if you have sex in your garden, and someone MIGHT BE ABLE to see you. Sex in a public toilets, well that must be illegal, right? Wellll, sort of. Shut the cubicle door and that's ok, leave it open, and you're a law breaker. No one has bothered to ask the question "what if you are having sex in a cubicle, say at Snobs nightclub, and the bouncer kicks the door open and drags you out by the scruff of your neck, goes to kick you out but changes his mind because you were shagging someone elses woman. Not that anything like that has ever happened to me. Oh alright, it has, but only the once, I learnt my lesson after that. Weebl and Bob seem to be running out of stories to tell, but there's a new one soon (so we're told) Looks like we're being bombarded with comic based films this summer. Daredevil should be a laugh a minute, the tale of a blind school teacher by day, and blind superhero by night! Tetris will be next ;-) 27 January 2003
Separated at Birth?  Leslie Ash
 Rygel from FarScape
Looks like some fans don't know that sport is about losing as well as winning. LA Raiders crashed out of the SuperBowl and LA Rioters crashed into anything that came their way. I'm not surprised they lost if this is the quality of their cheerleaders How not to pull a wheelie 26 January 2003
Double your salary! Yes! It really does work! Click Here! Once you've done that, treat yourself to a mini submarine Or How about trying something new? Like riding a motorbike on ice I've just signed up with the Mail Preference Service. Supposed to stop junk mail, I'll let you know how I get on. Bike Stuff Looks like some folk don't respect the speed limits in this country This is a fecking awesome Moto GP trailer. How anyone can watch F1 when there is real motorsport about is beyond me. The next MotoGP season looks very good, with some of the best riders from British and World Supersport coming over, as well as the arrival of one or two new manufacturers, not least of which that little bike shop from Bologna. One of those annoying games you just can't stop playing I shamelessly nicked that Cat thing from Bluetitch. I think it's much easier to let other people find stuff for you and then nick it. One of the Aard lads sent me this very rude joke, titled "New Security" WARNING! Contains very nice naked lady! For those of you with a more learned limbic, check out Pepys' Diary. It's updated daily. 
Things at BCFC are looking up. We've been after Upson, a very excting centre back. England U21 player with pace. Unable to force his way into the first team at Arsenal, Steve Bruce put in a bid. There was a tug of war between Wenger and the Arsenal Board but Wenger couldn't assure Upson that he would be playing on a regular basis. Just when it seemed we had signed him, Leeds stepped in . However (and this is the best bit) on a level playing field, Upson prefered Blues to Leeds! This lad, if he stays away from injury, will be playing with 3 lions on his chest before this year is out. Him, Purse and Cunningham at the back means we should have one of the best defences outside the top 4. All we need now is a goalkeeper! I think we should make a bid for Hoult! Bluesy, as the name suggests, is Blues mad. All's well with little kwacky. Growing, kicking and already forcing me to spend cash and my nights alone on the futon! 25 January 2003
24 January 2003
The Friday Five. 1) If you were Prime Minister, what three new laws would you bring in? It makes it tougher saying laws rather that "what would you do" - but here goes (and I'll try and be sensible!) a) Compulsory driving licence re-testing for all motor vehicles every 5 years b) Legalisation of dutch style coffee shops c) The right for a person to ask for the termination of his or her life. 2) If the world was coming to an end in seven days, how would you spend your time? Making a time machine 3) Apart from your family, what two things would you save if your house was on fire? a) my records b) my dog 4) If you really wanted to get back at someone, name one way you would like to torture them. Erm, I would love to answer this one, but I would get sectioned. Ah feck it. I once read a piece about guns hot wounds to the stomach and how they take ages to kill someone and the pain is, so I'm told, beyond comprehension. Get your victim. Tie him (lets just say its a him) up and blindfold him. Take him into a very small room. Get the gun out and let him know you've got it. Spend 10 minutes telling him what you are going to do, how long it's going to take him to die and how bad the pain will be, and even if he's rescued, he won't be saved. It's up to you whether you shoot him or just leave him (after telling him you'll be back later on to shoot him) :-) 5) What was your favourite age to be? I had most fun from 17 to about 21. Mid 20's was a pretty cool though. To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it" If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq. If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq. If the terrorists are frisky, Pakistan is looking shifty, North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq. If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq. If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq. So to hell with the inspections, Let's look tough for the elections, Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq. It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq. Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq. They've got weapons we can't see, And that's good enough for me 'Cos it'all the proof I need Bomb Iraq. If you never were elected, bomb Iraq. If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq. If you think Saddam's gone mad, With the weapons that he had, (And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq. If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq. If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq. If your politics are sleazy, And hiding that ain't easy, And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq. Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq. For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq. Disagree? We'll call it treason, Let's make war not love this season, Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq. 19 January 2003
Video of the new Duke and Prilla MotoGP bikes being tested. I've also found pictures of an experimental set of protective clothing clothing. Some muppet is bound to want some. I'm going to empty my house of peas 17 January 2003
This Weeks Bluetitch 5 1) What would be your perfect evening? No such thing. Some nights I want to just slob out in front of the telly, other nights I might want to go on the piss, or go for a meal or watch a film or go to the opera. 2) What would be your nightmare evening? Stuck in traffic. God I hate being stuck in traffic. Or going out for a meal and having shit service and shit food. 3)What has been your best date? Too many to recall. :-P After we got married we had a meal on the beach, just the two of us, our own chef, our own waiter, our own menu. They made sure that no one could get near us and spoil the evening. Tropical island, sun setting. Clichéd but damned romantic. 4) What has been your worst date? Too many to mention! I once turned up pissed. I realised I was pissed and promptly proceeded to attempt to sober up by doing a line of speed. On the pub table. In front of all her work mates. 5) Do you have a recurring nightmare? Nope. Can't say I do. Long time no Blog and all that. Sorry, been a busy boy. Mrs Kwacky has been busy looking at nursery schools. She seemed shocked to find these old converted buildings were stuffed full of children. I don't think her maternal instinct has kicked in yet! She's recently seen the midwife and everything seesm to be in order. The sprog is growing at a decent rate and the midwife exclaiming "ooo! He's going to be a big one!" Did nothing to allay Mrs Kwacky's fears. Being the good husband I am, I told her just how large me and my siblings were! A lot has happened in week down at St Andrews. We've signed 4 players on loan or as new players and we have at least 2 others coming in. First up is Dugarry. He's here for a 6 month loan with a view to buy at the end of the season if we stay up. He looked every inch the flamboyant french footballer when he strutted onto the pitch last Sunday donning a headband and blowing kisses to his International team-mates! Next up is Jamie Clapham. A mixed first game which mirrored the reviews from the Ipswich fans he left behind. However, he, Dugarry and Clemence hadn't even had time to introduce themselves when they wlaked out to faxce one fo the best teams in Europe. Clemence came from Spurs and although he hasn't played too many games recently due to a long term injury, he seemed up to the challenge and looked like a useful addition to the rapidly expanding squad. Last, and not intentionally, is Coly. I remember him from the World Cup and I htought he was better than Cisse. He showed some nice touches but got caught out too often, refused to mark his man (despite Svage and Dugarry pointing out which chap in the red and white looked lonely) therefore leaving Pires all on his own on the left, and his distribution was about as accurate as Bush's promises of a bloodless solution to ousting Saddam (so why won't you let the Saudis carry out their plan eh George?). I'm sure he'll adapt to the English game and remind us all why Coly received those rave reviews 11 January 2003
Sad news is tricking through the bike community that Ronnie Smith, the Performance Bikejournalist and IofM rider was killed last night. Ron was well known for his lack of taste in leathers, his big thick glasses, his awesome ability to hop onto a bike and really push it, and enjoying himself on any bike and in any weather. He'll be missed. 03 January 2003
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I did say I would be going up to Aberdeen for a mate's wedding. Bike Stuff The resident shits nicked my bike cover, just the £50 to replace. I've ordered a new one from Thoroughbred Covers . For an extra £4 they will put on a padlockable strap which means the little fucks will take 10 mins not 5 to nick it :-( I've also installed an outside light which has the sensor over the bike so either I'll be woken up or it'll help them see what they are doing! Those nice people at R & G have agreed to split a pair of crash protectors so I can replace the ones I tested at Donny. My next door neighbour picked up his new Gixer 750. Not my cup of tea but they run and handle like a dream and are really light. Should make Fatty a bit tasty on the next track day, he was getting quick on his R6 and this has more power! Nice write up about the Sprint RS on the Motorbykz site. Makes a change to read an article from a someone who doesn't think all bikes must own the racetrack. Here's a sweet tankslapper at the Isle of Man TT Mrs Bump George or Georgina is constantly on the move. Mrs Kwacky and I caught the 'flu (real flu, not man cold) when we were in Aberdeen. We spent the last 2 days in bed feeling sorry for ourselves. The poor thing can't take much for it so she's been suffering. She appeared to have recovered but on Sunday (5th) she looked like death warmed up. She's been given the week off work and 'm trying to do my best to help out where possible. Aberdeen We got up at some unearthly hour and picked up my mate en route to the airport. We were entertained by the woman sitting behind who didn't seem to enjoy the experience of flight. Sam and I had a nice loud chat about the recent crash at Aberdeen airport. We think we put her mind at rest, once she had hyperventilated for the umpteenth time. The Norwood Hotel was stately as the website made out. And the bar was fully stocked! The groom collected us from the airport and we went off to get kilted up. Sam and I went back to the hotel for some kip and only got up for food. aer on, we all met up at the Lairhillock for some grub. The next day was the big day and the service was a very brief (thank God) catholic affair in Stonehaven, a small fishing village not far from Aberdeen. Back to the Norwood for food and booze. I tried a whisky or two and being asked every 10 minutes "what's worn under your kilt?" Dear old Spike helped me out there! (if you don't know Spike Milligan's retort, please let me know) Sam was tired and feeling ill so shewent to bed, so I and a handful of others supped beer and drank whisky. At about 2 oclock Sam appeared to drop off the key to our room, how sweet! An hour or so later she re-appeared to remind me that I had to sleep at some point, it was past 3 and didn't I think it was time to go back to the room? Was it really so late? The next day I felt ill. Very ill. Turned down full breakfast ill. Still pissed ill. So was Nigel the best man. Oh dear. I cringed I got the occassional flashback of me, a strange woman and some candle wax. Good job Sam hauled me out of the bar! Football Blues got stuffed 3-1 by Fulham in the 3rd round of the FA Cup. Savage got anohter booking, Coly made his debut and Stern John returned from injury to grab the Blues goal. We're in trouble. Our best two defenders, Purse and Cunningham are missing, our forwards aren't firing and we've got a run of games that would make Brazil cry. Other stuff I can't work who is dumber, the waitress for not seeing the funny side or the lawyer who took the case on. Hooters. Guess the death at Popped Clogs Some people are far braver than I ever could be. It's dangerous trying to brush one of the little darlings, but fancy trying to stick a tube up a cat's arse and give it an enema?!?!?! Sooner you than me sunshine |
